A Pledge Too Far?
[UPDATE: Well waddaya know, me and Loudoun Insider agree on a topic du jour. Mark the date, folks, and treasure the memory...]
By Friday, our kitchen table and countertops resemble a Hallmark store after a tornado, from the amount of mail (for me, the wife and two adult kids), newspapers, magazines, political agitprop, knick-knacks and miscellaneous pocket leavings that have accumulated since last week.
And you can't just throw all the crap out willy nilly, because it is inextricably intermixed with numerous credit solicitations which, if purloined intact from our trash, would enable someone to pay for and enroll in college as me, spend four years failing classes and wracking up debt, then mail the final horrific grades to my employer who would immediately fire me and demand repayment of 19 years worth of wages. And I can't have that.
So it ALL sits there and piles up throughout the week until a moment like this one, when I get home, grab a snow shovel, clear a place at the table, and sit down to relax, get the shredder humming, and have a moderate number of drinks.
You can imagine my delight when, upon sifting today's mail haul of about 35 items, I found the Loudoun County Republican Committee has sent a note reminding of the Convention details, on the off chance the 17 previous reminders from various candidates did not make a sufficient impression.
Ok, that's fine: It is important for the LCRC to ensure everyone has that information. And the fact we received another card to detach, complete and return to confirm our attendance is also fine, because my initial sift only resulted in 18 "immediate action" pieces of direct mail and that measly number would leave me twiddling my thumbs for the rest of the evening.
What really got my attention was the letter informing of the new LCRC Pledge Yo' Ass Now! program. I think this is a GREAT idea which will help lead the Republican Party to the final, glorious end stage that I have been predicting here for months.
You see, in order to register as a delegate, one had to sign a simple initial pledge affirming that "by the sacred beard of Odin I hereby foreswear and renounce all previous political affiliations and on the lives of my unborn grandchildren I pledge to support Republican candidates hereafter be they short or fat, wise or dumb, freemen or indicted co-conspirators, and if I violate this pledge I willingly submit to disembowelment and the gouging of eyes." Pretty standard stuff.
Now comes the notice that the onsite registration process for the June 9 Convention will include a separate RE-AFFIRMATION of the pledge, in which attendees will be politely diverted off to the side of the sign-in table by a Credentials and Internal Examination Committee member, asked to recite in loud voice your basic "I hereby declare, for real, that I intend to support all the nominees of the Republican Party of Virginia and renounce affiliations with any other political party on pain of DEATH" re-pledge, salute the flag while exclaiming "huzzah!", stamp their right foot three times to commemorate the victory of Joshua over the Philistines, and bow their heads. New delegates will then have their left pinky cut off and be directed to the seating area.
This may contribute to a slight backup in the registration line, but it will reaffirm the eternal truth that joining the political process is a scary, shadowy business which might well get you killed.
I'm trying to get some friends and family members more involved in public life, some of whom maybe did not consider themselves party animals of any stripe but are concerned about the immigration issue and see the GOP as the best chance to fix the problem, and Pledge Yo' Ass Now! is exactly the sort of initiation I was hoping they would undergo so we can separate the wheat from the chaff.
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